Dear Generic Hipster,

Please stop trying to be “deep” and “insightful”.

You are neither.

My eyeballs ache from excessive rolling every time I debase myself to read one of your posts.

Stop acting like they aren’t cries for attention, to get responses that praise your “depth” and “insight”.

Anyone who actually believes these “thoughts” you spew aren’t completely the product of a superficial desire to be likened to Johnny Depp (or insert any additional hipster gods) is a moron, or as much of a tool as yourself.

I’m not talking about any one person, but rather a plethora of one dimensional (however desperately you attempt to prove otherwise) cookie cutter, dime-store “tortured artists/intellectuals” that bleed their hearts out for the masses, hoping and praying someone notices their efforts and marvels at what a profoundly unique being you are.

The truth is, you are not special. You are not unique. Even the laziest browse through random other Facebooks/MySpaces will prove just that (“HEY, this asshole wears stupid 80’s cereal box prize sunglasses and a weird yellow knitted bucket hat thing too! And the same Catcher in the Rye quote!”). Stop trying so hard and the grounded, more quality people will grow to respect you, instead of the harem of douchebaggery you cater to now.

I honestly don’t hate you, I simply dislike being forced to wrap my mind around these shoddy, nonsensical walls of text you try to pass off as “original thought”.

That is all.