Obligatory Intro

So I made a blog.

Honestly, I don’t expect this to amount to much more than a casual side project. In fact, the word “project” itself seems like a major overstatement. However, I made it, and I feel like I should explain why…and I suppose, divulge a bit about myself.

My name is Lillian.

I’m 21 years old and I’ve lived in Newark, New Jersey my entire life. I feel like I exemplify the definition of “wasted potential”. Throughout my childhood, I’d always been an overachiever, a good student, and a good kid. When high school came, I hit a 180 and spent the next four years exhibiting the bare minimum of my potential. Why? I’m still not sure.

I graduated high school in 2004 with a mediocre grade point average and went to Kean University. I dropped out after a month. This was for a number of reasons. First of all, a two hour train commute is an awful start to any day, and I was walking around campus tired and angry before my classes even started. Second of all, it was entirely too difficult to find like-minded people there. My social anxiety combined with my own personal curse of keen observational skills makes me hyper sensitive to displays of douchebaggery, which I now know is found on any college campus, but back then was too wrapped up in distaste for my surroundings to realize.

The next few years consist of me trying and failing to continue my education. This is probably my greatest regret in life, but I haven’t given up yet. Right now, I think this is largely due to my not knowing what the hell to do with my life and not wanting to waste my parents’ money. I know I’m intelligent, and I have many varied interests, but currently haven’t the means nor the willpower to jump into a four year academic commitment for a profession that I’m not even sure I’m cut out for. My current short term goal is to earn enough to move out of my parents’ house.  I feel this will give me the confidence boost I need to get my life together, and eventually go back to school part time without the financial strain on my parents; because despite the shambles my life is in at the moment, I have every intention to finish school. I read constantly, in a lame attempt to compensate for not being in college.

As you see now, I’m in a rut. I made this blog as an outlet for my frustrations. And I certainly have a lot of frustration. Thus, the title of this blog being, Periodic Inexplicable Bitterness. Expect brutal honesty and snarkiness and, maybe, the occasional “something went right and I’m happy” post. Basically, I made this for me, and I’m going to use it.